September 10, 2009

Bit More Clickity Click Click Click

Murphy's turn.

I'm sitting at this coffee shop in Lawrence, Kansas waiting on my iced cappuccino and typing on my laptop. As is the guy next to me. As is the girl next to me. As is the couple I see on the other side of the shop. Is this a trend now? I wonder what they're typing. I wonder if they're wondering what I'm typing. I'm going to ask this guy what he's typing. He was mean and gave me the silent treatment. I'll ask this girl. Apparently, she's writing a comedic play. She talked to me because I have an accent.

Why do you Americans call it "football"? I'm not saying I don't like it. It's an exciting sport, but where's the feet? Okay, kick-off and punting. I understand that. But why don't you call it what it is: rugby with pads and helmets? Was that an insult? I don't know. Take it how you want to.

I've been invited to parties in which people were going to "party like a rock star". That's pretty broad considering how many different genres of rock there are. Are we going to party like heavy metal rockers, punk rockers, folk rockers, etc.? Be specific, people. If we're going to party like heavy metal rock stars, that may be too much for me, but I may be able to take the mellow folk atmosphere. Keep this in mind next time you use that phrase.

Order's up. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Yummy. She wrote her number on the side of my cup. I should let her know that I'm currently taken. She blushed out of embarrassment. Turns out, she handed me the wrong cup. Oh, what a story that will make for her to tell all her friends.

Set up for a suspense film: a detective tracks down a serial killer known as the Barrel O' Monkeys killer because he leaves a little red plastic monkey at every murder because that's what he feels murder is as fun as. Ridiculous, yes. Fun, yes. Enthralling, highly unlikely.

Like Tanner before me, I decided to do a spellcheck. The only thing highlighted was "Mmmmmmmmmmmm". I decided to see if there were any suggestions to spell this correctly. No suggestions. Spellcheck, how is it a misspelling if you have not suggestions for it? I don't understand you, spellcheck. I just don't UNDESTAND you.

Yes, that misspelling was intentional.

I just got a dirty look from some guy who walked in. Is it my hat? Does this fellow think I'm just another trendy hipster who thinks it's cool to go to a coffee shop and type random nonsense onto his or her laptop? I'll have you know, sir, that many Irishman are known to wear caps like this. Don't pigeonhole me just because I'm on a laptop in a coffee shop wearing a vest and flip-flops along with this hat. I'm going to say something to my new friend to my right as he walks by. He looked and smiled. Oh, you realize I'm Irish now so you say to yourself "Oh, THAT'S why he's wearing that cap. I thought he was trying to be cool like most kids these days. He's not sad, anymore." Go drown in your latte.

Why don't we have more washboard players in bands? The washboard is an amazing instrument. If you play the washboard, you are partying like a folk rock star. Way to be, my friend. Way. To. Be. I love you.

So, my new friend rocks. Her comedic play is about a girl rocker who works as a receptionist and who's best friend is a robot. This is brilliant stuff. Possible platonic soul mate? I think so.

Victoria, I won't date her. Don't worry.

Tanner just told me that he has to go in for jury duty selection on Monday. Wouldn't be great if he got some dramatic case that will eventually get turned into an episode of Law & Order? He can then say "THIS OUTCOME HAPPENED BECAUSE OF ME!!!" And he would say that. He would jump up and shout that. And then he'd flail his arms about. And there would be a koala. Why would there be a koala? Because there just would be. Never question Bruce Dickincon!

You have reached the end of the blog. Congratulations. And Nina: How dare you splash your plain coffee into my iced cappuccino. Such things are atrocities in the world of coffee counter culture.