May 29, 2009

For Lack of a Better Blog

I give you... THE GREAT OFFICE WAR!!!

I dare you to tell me that was not the most epic Nerf battle waged across cubicles. I DARE you.


May 22, 2009

Cartoon's That Could Do Well In Live-Action Territory (If Done Right) Part One

Yet again, Tanner has been struck by the faceless foe known as writer's block. Well, it actually has a face this time. The face of David McCallum. Tanner's been too busy watching The Man from U.N.C.L.E. to think up a good blog, so I'm going to do one instead.

After Tanner's little rant on The Rise of Cobra, he felt that we should do a joint project on certain cartoon shows that we feel deserve the live-action treatment (if done right).

Seeing the trailer for the upcoming G.I. Joe flick (Action Force for me when I was a wee bit smaller), I know that some studios don't care much for the original stories or what made the shows so fun to begin with. I honestly didn't care much for anything involving the military when I was younger. I found my dad's old war films to be a bit, dare I say, boring. But watching Action Force made me realize just how cool the military really was. Okay, so they weren't officially 'soldiers', but the aspect was great.

Pardon that little talk about action force. I'd pretty much be repeating what Tanner said in his anti-Rise of Cobra post. But my point is that these cartoons had great ideas that would still be great in live-action movies with some touch-ups here-and-there so they'll appeal to teens and adults. Some, however, wouldn't need touch-ups because they were deep even when marketed to children.

Tanner wanted this list to be mainly cartoons popular in the states. Sorry, Bananaman.


This would make a great film. The aesthetic would probably have to be changed a bit because the story is great, but I don't think those costumes would look as good if put into live-action. But the whole space western theme could be fun for many people.

I don't really want to rip-off the look of another great space western (at least, I consider it a space western), but I can see BraveStarr having a look and feel similar to Firefly and Serenity. Maybe sci-fi up the costumes a bit, but not so much to make it feel like a bad 80's sci-fi flick. And given the improvements in visual effects and make-up, I bet we could have an incredibly terrifying Tex Hex. Some may see the Prairie People as the second coming of the ewoks, but the ewoks did rock in the end.

When it comes to casting this one, I only have two actors in mind off the top of my head. For the heroic and virtuous Marshall BraveStarr, I feel Adam Beach would be a perfect choice. Look at BraveStarr and then look at Adam beach. PERFECT!!! He has that perfect tough-but-caring feel to him and even has the Marshall's smile. He'd definitely do major justice to this role, no pun intended. As for Tex Hex, leader of the Carrion Bunch and BraveStarr's arch enemy, Sam Elliott would be ideal. I'm not just picking him because he's pretty much the go-to-guy when you need a tough cowboy (or outlaw in this case), but because he could bring an odd menace to the role. Plus I think his voice would match Hex's zombie-like exterior better than that of the original voice.

Also I just want to see a shoot-out in space between Adam Beach and Sam Elliott.


This one is just begging for an epic live-action translation. Nothing would have to even be changed from the original's overall plot. Gargoyles was a show that easily appealed to children and adults. At times I'm surprised Disney even produced it. It had action, drama, suspense, violence. TRUE LIFE VIOLENCE IN A SATURDAY MORNING DISNEY CARTOON!!! Come on, you're wanting a live-action rendition just as bad as me.

Considering Disney studios has started to go into the darker world of the PG-13 rating with the POTC trilogy, I'm sure they'd be fine with making Gargoyles darker than it already is. Plus the studio would be crazy to change anything from the original. Gargoyles seems like it was born to get a big-screen epic.

This is one where I think a few of the voice actors could actually come back to portray their animated counterparts. Jonathan Frakes and Salli Richardson seem to be spitting images of David Xanatos and Eliza Maza, respectively. As for the Gargoyles, I'm still not fully sure. It's be great if the studios would do the smart thing and use actors under heavy prosthetic make-up and suits. If this was the case, I know two actors picked out. Michael Clark Duncan as Goliath (was there any doubt on this choice?) and Bob Hoskins as Hudson. As for the other members of the clan, I'd have to do some thinking. Although, Tanner Criswell Roberts may be a good choice for the role of Lexington.

That's all for edition one. Tanner will give you number two as soon as he's done watching Napoleon Solo and Ilya Kuryakin save the world.


May 12, 2009

Introduction to Prince Calvin Mortimer

'The Out-There Encounters of Mortimer and Cogsworth' is a series of steampunk-themed short stories I'm currently working on which involve the various adventures of Prince Calvin Mortimer of Eldonia and his personal pilot, Bernard Cogsworth. Here's just a little intro to one of the title characters.

Prince Calvin Mortimer

Prince Calvin Mortimer is, as his title suggests, next in line for the throne of the continent of Eldonia. His brother, Sir Mortimer Mortimer, was originally first in line for throne, but decided to make a career out of his life with the King's Royal Guard and gave up his title to Calvin.

Since childhood, he's been trained in the use of close combat weapons. He's considered by many to be the best swordsman in Dalphonodene. He trained himself in the use of personal firearms. His favorite weapons are the rapier which was given to him on his thirteenth birthday, the six-shooter given to him by his Uncle Luther, and the dagger which has been past down from king to prince for generations.

Calvin has always had a taste for adventure. At the age of seventeen, he was involved in a world wide manhunt for the infamous criminal, John Jarvest. The hunt lead Calvin to the Clock of Macronis where he challenged Jarvest, a self-proclaimed gentleman, to a duel at the heart of the clock. Nobody truly knows what happened in the clock tower, but they do know that Calvin was the only person to leave it. All over Dalphonodene, he was being considered a hero.

Since then, Calvin has been hunting for excitement. When on his diplomatic missions, he takes a little time to himself to "have a little bit fun." He's faced beasts, sky pirates, criminal geniuses, ghosts, tyrants, and a few scorned women. These little side trips have lead to the retirement of at least twenty-nine personal pilots in a matter of five years. He's hoping that Captain Bernard Cogsworth will be number thirty.

May 6, 2009

Why Tanner Isn't Excited About G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

For those of you who don't know, I'm a pretty big fan of G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero. I love the toys. I love the cartoon. I love the comics. I thought it was one of the coolest things in the world. And looking back, it's still a great idea even for those not in elementary school.

For those of you not too familiar with G.I. Joe, I'll show you the intros from the T.V. series and the animated movie. The basic reason for the Joe team being formed is explained in them

I honestly don't think anyone can say it better than the opening narration. "America's daring highly-trained special mission force." And that last shot on the movie intro featuring the Joe team on the Statue of Liberty causes "I'm Proud to be an American" to start playing in my head. Patriotic. Action-packed. Catchy tunes. Gotta love it.

And let's not forget the famous G.I. Joe PSA's.

Now imagine my excitement when I first read that a G.I. Joe movie was in the works. I couldn't wait to see the trailer. And then I saw the trailer.

I was smiling at the beginning of the trailer. I was smiling when I saw Hawk. And then the "Delta Six Accelerator Suits" came on. At that point, I couldn't see straight.

I'll admit, there were parts of the trailer I enjoyed. Christopher Eccelston as Destro. The Eiffel Tower being decimated. Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow crossing swords. That all looked cool.

Things I'm not excited about are Duke being played by pretty boy new-comer Channing Tatum. He wasn't going to do the movie originally because he thought it was going to "promote war". The Joe team never promoted war. If anything, it promoted patriotism. Taylor Roberts should've been their choice for this role. (Love ya, bro)

As I mentioned earlier, I'm also turned off by the accelerator suits. This is supposed to be a G.I. Joe movie. Not an Iron Man rip-off. If the Joe team is so highly-trained, why would they need the armor equivalent of steroids?

But the biggest complaint comes from something not seen in the trailer. It's the following image I'm about to show you.


Yes. That's supposed to be Cobra Commander. Don't like him? Neither do I. It would have been much simpler to just give him the hood or helmet. But no. They have to make him look less like a leader of a global terrorist militia and make him look more like a bad rip-off of Kroenen from Hellboy.

What I was hoping would be a super cool non-war military film (I'm talking to you, Channing) is becoming a what looks like a sci-fi action flick. Not cool, Hollywood.

Here's a few things that could have been done that would bring in Joe fans.

Ditch the suits and give them their individual outfits
That was one thing I loved so much about the original show and comic books. One way you knew who-was-who was by their outfits. Duke and Flint were the good ol' fashioned soldiers. Shipwreck looked like a tough-as-nails Sailor. Snake Eyes had the sleak ninja gear (well, at least Hollywood didn't mess with that).

Give Cobra Commander his hood
It doesn't remind us of the KKK. It's alright to put the hood on him.

Let Larry Hama and Chuck Dixon write the script
Who else could do an amazing cinematic story for the Joe team other than the man who gave them their story and the man currently keeping their legacy alive via the comic books?

With all of that being said, I'm still going to see it when it hits the dollar theater. Why? Well, I need a good follow up.

Why is Tanner showing so much distaste for the upcoming G.I. Joe movie? Now you know.

And knowing is half the battle.


May 1, 2009

The Other Me's

I was watching American Splendor and a particular scene really made me think.

After seeing this, I wondered how many other Tanner Robertses (never had to pluralize my name) are out there. I then reliazed that I may not wanna take the time to count. I did continue to wonder what the lives the other Tanner Robertses. I decided to turn to Google and see what I could find.

A Tanner Roberts on is apparently an easy person to get along with but doesn't want you to eff with him.

There's a video of Tanner Roberts skating on Youtube. (He looks a little like the Tanner I mentioned above)

There was a Layne Roberts who unfortunately passed away but had a child named Tanner. She also had another son named Taylor.

Tanner Roberts at Drury University is against vandalism.

Tanner Roberts of Anoka County unforunately lost his girlfriend at the age of 19.

There happens to be a Tanner Criswell Roberts of (Okay, so that one IS me)

Tanner Roberts, a sophomore, is on the honor roll at Staples Motley High School.

Tanner Roberts on Yahoo Questions would like to know how to make a cool signature.

There seem to be many Tanner Robertses involved with wrestling and/or track.

Tanner Roberts is the pilot of the Starship USS Andromeda.

Those are just a handful of other Tanner Robertses I found. Thanks to social networking, I may actually interview a few.

Until next time.